You’re reaching The Big O when suddenly…
… it feels like you’ve wet the bed.
But did you? Did you actually just… pee? During sex?!
If you did, no shame. In fact, this experience is common enough there’s actually a word for it!
Let’s explore peeing during sex, what that means about your pelvic floor, and a whole bunch of ways to address it.
First: Was I peeing during sex? Or was it something else?
If you release fluid during sex, it could be pee. But you might’ve actually ejaculated or “squirted” instead (or both!).
- Female ejaculation involves leaking a small amount of milky fluid, quite similar to male semen. This fluid is produced by the Skene’s glands next to the “G-spot” inside the vagina.
- Squirting is when a watery, clear or yellowish, odorless fluid exits the urethra during arousal or orgasm. Squirting fluid originates in the bladder and is a mix of both urine and other sex proteins. And there can be a lot of it!
Anywhere from 10% to about half of people with vaginas experience female ejaculation or squirting. It usually has to do with G-spot or sexual stimulation.
But, if you’re not consistently hitting the “magic spot” and you still feel like you’re leaking, you might actually be experiencing coital incontinence. (Which means, yes, you did pee during sex.)
Coital urinary incontinence is any urine leakage that occurs during sexual activities. It can be a little bit of pee or a whole bladder full. And it has nothing to do with orgasm or ejaculation; it’s totally spontaneous and occurs with penetration, orgasm, or anytime in between.
Why was I peeing during sex?
Coital incontinence, overactive bladders (OAB), and weak pelvic floors go hand-in-hand. One study found that about 56% of women who already had urinary incontinence also experienced urinary leakage during sex.
And that overlap has a lot to do with pelvic floor strength.
During penetrative intercourse, there’s a lot happening down there. The increased pelvic pressure can both trigger overactive bladders and prevent an already weak pelvic floor from holding in your pee. The result? Urinating during sex.
Up to 25% of women experience coital incontinence. And because most people are too embarrassed to talk about it, that percentage is likely much higher. So remember: You’re not alone, and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about!
Peeing during sex is often just the tip of the pelvic floor dysfunction iceberg. Other common symptoms of coital incontinence are:
- Bladder pain
- Excessive nighttime urination
- Reduced stream when urinating
- Sensations of incomplete emptying
- Other types of incontinence, like urge incontinence
In addition, stress urinary incontinence (SUI) often co-occurs with peeing during sex. SUI happens when pressure in the abdomen–like from a cough, sneeze, or laugh–causes urine to leak. This is the most common type of urinary incontinence (UI).
If you find yourself leaking throughout the day, in addition to when you’re getting intimate, you’re more likely experiencing coital incontinence than female ejaculation.
4 Exercises to Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor
A weak pelvic floor increases the risk of all types of bladder control issues, like frequency, urgency… and urine leakage during sex. The solution? Strengthening your pelvic floor. Below are a few pelvic floor exercises to get you started.
Diaphragmatic Breathing
Part of strengthening your pelvic floor and core is making sure you’re not putting undue pressure on those important muscles.
For example, most people hold their breath on exertion, like when lifting or holding a difficult yoga pose. That builds abdominal pressure and puts extra stress on the muscles you’re trying to strengthen and coordinate.
Instead, try diaphragmatic breathing.
Also called belly breathing, this exercise is a necessary building block for any other pelvic floor and core exercise.
- Lie on your back with your knees bent.
- Put one hand on each side of your rib cage.
- Deeply inhale, inflating your ribcage as if it’s opening up like an umbrella.
- Slowly exhale.
- Allow one breath to flow smoothly into the next. Repeat for 10-20 breaths.
Kegel Exercises
Kegels are one of the most popular pelvic floor strengthening exercises out there. But they’re really easy to get wrong.
Follow these step-by-step instructions to get the most from your movements:
- Get in a sitting position with your pelvic floor muscles relaxed.
- Inhale.
- On your exhale, lift your pelvic floor muscles like you’re sipping up a thick smoothie with your vagina. Be careful not to grip your abdomen, thighs, or butt.
- Hold for 3 seconds, then relax.
- Repeat for 10 repetitions.
Transverse Abdominis (TA) Contractions
The transverse abdominals (TAs) are the deepest layer of your abdominal wall. Focusing on this area can build pelvic floor and core strength and coordination. A great way to engage these muscles is with a TA contraction!
- Lie flat on your back with your knees bent, feet resting on the floor.
- Perform a diaphragmatic breath inhalation to prepare.
- Exhale, then perform a Kegel as you draw your pelvic floor and lower abdominals inward.
- Imagine gently drawing your hip bones together to engage your deep core.
- Inhale and repeat.
Bridges
- Lie on your back with your knees bent and feet flat on the floor. Inhale.
- Engage your pelvic floor with a Kegel contraction, then engage your core and pull your belly button in toward your spine.
- Push your hips off the floor, aligning them with your knees and shoulders. Hold for 3 breaths.
- Repeat 5 times.
In the meantime…
While you’re working on your pelvic floor, try these extra tips:
- Experiment with different sexual positions. The missionary position can put extra pressure on your bladder. But being on top of your partner can help give you a little more control and put less pressure on your pelvic floor.
- Have sex in the shower! If you’re feeling insecure, shower sex can disguise any leaking urine and keep you feeling fresh.
- Pee before sex. I’m not a fan of the “just in case pee.” But, the less in your bladder, the less you can leak. Just don’t make it a habit!
You’re not the only one peeing during sex. And I’ve got your back (and your front)!
Incontinence during sex is more common than most people imagine. And you don’t have to suffer in silence! That’s why I created The V-Hive Membership.
For as little as $27/month, your V-Hive Membership gives you on-demand access to pelvic floor and core exercises that can bring pleasure back to the bedroom.
Don’t let a little leakage ruin your sex life. Start your membership with a free 7-day trial.
Sources and Further Reading
Inoue, M., Sekiguchi, Y., Ninomiya, N., Kobayashi, T., & Araki, M. (2022). Enhanced visualization of female squirting. International Journal of Urology, 29(11), 1368–1370. https://doi.org/10.1111/iju.15004
Lau, H.-H., Huang, W.-C., & Su, T.-H. (2017). Urinary leakage during sexual intercourse among women with incontinence: Incidence and risk factors. PLOS ONE, 12(5). https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0177075
Pastor, Z. (2013). Female ejaculation orgasm vs. coital incontinence: A systematic review. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 10(7), 1682–1691. https://doi.org/10.1111/jsm.12166
