Hot flashes. Sleep issues. Mood swings. These are the three horsemen of the meno-pocalypse. Then there’s the fourth horseman—the symptom no one talks much about, despite how common it is – painful sex during menopause.
Let’s talk about why you may have painful sex during menopause (and how to get the relief you deserve)!
Menopause 101
Menopause marks the end of our reproductive years, when estrogen production gradually decreases and our ovaries stop releasing eggs. This transition typically occurs between the ages of 45 and 55, but symptoms of perimenopause can occur for years prior.
Menopause officially starts when there is a lack of a menstrual cycle for 12 consecutive months. But there are plenty of symptoms for menopausal women in addition to Aunt Flo’s disappearance:
- Incontinence
- Mood swings
- Depression and anxiety
- Hot flashes
- Difficulty sleeping
- Hair loss
- Weight gain
- Decreased sexual desire
- Vaginal dryness
- Changes in pelvic floor strength
These last three symptoms can make getting intimate the last thing on your mind. Left untreated, you could experience discomfort in addition to unnecessary stress.
Estrogen and Painful Sex During Menopause
Decreased estrogen levels can worsen libido and make sex less pleasurable—or even painful. That’s because low estrogen can cause vaginal tissues to become thinner and drier, often leading to painful intercourse and even mild bleeding.
Drops in estrogen can also impact the overall strength of your pelvic floor.
Estrogen is responsible for keeping your pelvic floor muscles in tip-top shape so they can offer appropriate support to your bladder, vaginal walls, and vulva. So, when your normal dose of vaginal estrogen drops, so does your pelvic floor strength.
6 Tips to Manage Painful Sex During Menopause
#1 Add moisture.
Whether you’re looking to add moisture throughout the day or specifically during sex, a daily vaginal moisturizer and a good vaginal lubricant with intercourse will be your new BFFs.
#2 Use dilators or pelvic wands.
Vaginal dilators/trainers can help desensitize your vaginal tissues and relax your muscles. Pelvic wands can provide relief for specific trigger points in the deeper pelvic floor muscles.
#3 Stop Kegels (for now).
It’s true that menopause can weaken the pelvic floor. And, most of the time, a weak pelvic floor can benefit from Kegels. But if you’re experiencing painful sexual activity, push pause for a bit!
Painful sex is a good indication of an overactive (or hypertonic) pelvic floor. In that case, the first step toward relief is to relax the pelvic floor through gentle stretching. Then it’s OK to move on to strengthening exercises like Kegels.
#4 Practice diaphragmatic breathing.
Belly breathing helps to calm the nervous system and reduces muscle guarding, which increases mobility, blood flow, and relaxation to the pelvic floor.
Place one hand on your chest and one on the abdomen. Relax your jaw and shoulders. Take a slow, gentle breath in and let the abdomen and rib cage expand. Slowly breathe out and let your belly fall back down.
#5 Address your stress.
Hormonal changes that accompany menopause can increase feelings of stress and anxiety, and stress can increase pelvic floor tension. From practicing yoga to seeing a professional therapist, making small changes over time can help to decrease toxic stress and improve your sex life again!
#6 Relax your pelvic floor.
Many exercises and stretches can help relax your pelvic floor and make sex more pleasurable. And the Relaxation Series in the V-Hive will introduce you to the most effective ones! In this four-week series, you’ll learn daily stretch routines and self-massage techniques to help you stop suffering and start living!
In just a few minutes of stretching, every other day, can help you:
- Enjoy sex again.
- Resolve tailbone pain.
- Relieve UTI-like symptoms.
- Poop and pee like a pro.
You can join the V-Hive for a month, a quarter, or a whole year—and you can get started today with a 7-day free trial.
In the meantime, try these pelvic floor physical therapist-approved stretches to start feeling some relief.
Stretches for Painful Sex During Menopause
Child’s Pose
Kneel on the floor. Touch your big toes and spread your knees wider than your hips.
Rock your hips backward onto your heels and stretch your arms forward. Exhale and move your torso closer to the ground. Hold the pose for 5-10 breaths.
Cobra Pose
Lie stomach-down on the floor. Place the palm of your hand on the floor next to your shoulder, and hug your elbows into your body.
Press the tops of your feet, thighs, and pubic bone firmly into the floor as you inhale and straighten your arms, lifting your chest off the floor.
Open your chest upward toward the sky and squeeze your shoulder blades together. Hold the pose for 5-10 breaths. Breathe easy, exhaling as you release back to the floor.
Happy Baby Pose
Lie on your back. Exhale and bring your knees to your belly.
Inhale and grip the outside of your feet with your hands, opening your knees slightly wider than your torso.
Bring your knees toward your armpits. Hold the pose for 5-10 breaths.
Cat-Cow Pose
Get on all fours. Keep your hands shoulder-width apart and your knees directly below your hips.
Inhale deeply and curve your lower back, bringing your head up and tilting your pelvis. Exhale deeply and bring your abdomen in, arching your spine and bringing your head and pelvis down. Repeat the stretch.
You don’t deserve painful sex during menopause.
As you navigate menopause and painful sex, check out the V-Hive Membership’s Relaxation Series. By practicing these stretches and exercises for just a few minutes each week, you can ease pelvic floor tension, get relief from pain, and restore pleasure to sex. For my postmenopausal women, this is for you too!
Stop suffering and start living. Your first week is on me!
